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Sunday, April 4th, 2010
2:45 am


Just made life my bitch :)

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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2:45 am


Just made life my bitch :)

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

(comment on this)

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010
1:57 am
*reads facebook event wall*

So what happened at the Demarest reunion?

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Friday, March 19th, 2010
8:06 pm
I just had an amazing revelation:

In the past two months, I have not read about, argued about, or for the most part even thought about politics. At all.

I have been incredibly happy.

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Wednesday, February 24th, 2010
10:42 pm
Once again I'd like to comment on the irony that the more there is going on in your life, the less likely you are to write about it in livejournal. :P

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Sunday, January 31st, 2010
7:01 pm
Dear Livejournal:

Fuck you and your new advertising scheme. You are dead to me.

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Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
6:26 pm

Livejournal appears to be much less interesting than it used to be.

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Sunday, December 13th, 2009
2:47 am
Just because I haven't posted anything fire-related in a while...


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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
3:00 am
I had a very cool epiphany at the gym yesterday: the law of attraction doesn't exist. (well, ok, I guess that's a bit obvious, but...)

As silly as it is, the law of attraction was pretty much my religion for a year or two. I was in a depressed funk, watched The Secret, felt inspired, and pretty much just followed it blindly, and it helped me get to a much better place. It didn't seem to matter that it was nonsense (in fact, I knew that intellectually from the start), I was just very comfortable believing in it.

Later on, I started having some difficulty with it and mysticism. What used to be highly functional aids to my psychological well-being started to seem pointless. Now, I needed a justification for how they worked if I was going to get any use with them. My faith had been shaken. I kept trying to find the same happy, inspired state of mind that worked years ago, couldn't, and found myself getting increasingly depressed.

Then, I simply had the realization that I'm not supposed to believe in the law of attraction anymore. The law of attraction is meant as an aid for beings of a lower order (who cannot yet grasp that the appearance of the law of attraction is just an illusion created by the fact that positive thoughts influence a positive mood which affects more efficient decision making which produces better results which gives more impetus for positive thoughts, etc., and vice versa) to meaningfully comprehend one aspect of reality. Once the phenomenon can be fully understood in the resolution I've described, it is actually counter-productive to even bother with the law of attraction because it is more natural for the mind to start pursuing the creation of a very pragmatic psychological/economic/spiritual infrastructure.

All enlightenment is is a stripping away of one familiar level of understanding and replacing it with one of higher resolution. And it seems like because the world has a nearly infinite resolution, this can go on forever.

Which makes me wonder what my newly found ability to relate to people will one day be replaced by. It's something I can't know now (and frankly don't want to), but it seems like understanding this will make the transition much less stubborn than the previous one.

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Thursday, November 12th, 2009
3:03 pm
new mission in life: start bringing libertarians into the burner scene.

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2:57 pm


The methodology remains intact, but if a different fundamental premise is inserted, the output is.....oh my god.....



Fuck me, I have to completely re-think everything....but holy shit is this going to be enlightening!!!!!!!!

Oh how I wish I had my material shit together, I want to explore this so fucking badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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11:09 am
You HAVE to focus on yourself before you can help others.

That's all there is to it. I have been fighting this reality for so long, and I'm sick of it. Guilt has helped me recondition my world paradigm to something that is less destructive, but it has also rendered me a miserable, worried, useless little pussy in the process. Fuck it, I'm over it.

It's time to kick ass again.

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Monday, November 2nd, 2009
11:53 pm
I took an OkCupid variation of the Meyers-Briggs personality test recently (not the most reliable source on anything, obviously, but it's fairly accurate). In the past I have usually scored INTJ, with particular pronouncement on N and T. The most recent result was ENTJ. N and T are a little less pronounced than they usually are, but E was through the roof!

I used to be the most introverted person you could imagine. I can count the number of times I went out and visited someone from my high school on one hand. I always saw myself settling down on some big, private piece of property and being a hermetic writer. Today I can't imagine a greater hell. I find people interesting. They are stimulating, relaxing, empowering, and comforting all at once. I am happy to have amazing human relationships and to feel like a part of something greater than myself.

I am grateful for all of this.

And I think that Sartre was a fucking retard.

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7:23 pm
Yesterday was an amazing day; I managed, without drugs or being in a large audience, to finally re-experience the love of firespinning that has been lacking in me for the past year.

We were at Forest's house in Asheville (Forest is a member of Unifire, a professional troupe in North Carolina). The fire scene was quintessentially southern; messy, debris-ridden backyard, whiskey and locally produced organic cooking, lax safety, and a "hey y'all, look at this!" attitude.

Forest's style is very similar to mine: big, flashy, sensual, loose on techique. We play off each other very well. We had a lot of fun while there was a crowd, but then later I went off, put on some of my music on my headphones, and just spun for me.

It's something I haven't done in a while. I've always been "practicing," trying new tricks, perfecting old ones, trying to keep up with Lucas, Baz, and the other top spinners. I did it so much that it made me almost averse to spinning. I forgot the spiritual aspect of it: having fun. Well I remembered what it was like again, and my old spinning style finally came through. It felt great.

It's amazing how easy and subtle it is for anything fun to morph into a miserable discipline. It can happen with firespinning, sex, partying, and games. Discipline is important, but without taking the time to remember why you got into it into the first place, you just can't continue.

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Saturday, October 24th, 2009
12:00 am
They say it's much harder to make friends when you leave school.

This, I declare, is crap.

School (particularly college) is very accepting. The culture is equally permissive of overachievement and underachievement. Everyone lives in approximately the same kind of domicile. The kinds of jobs that are available to everyone are roughly the same. Personal wealth is basically irrelevent, because everyone basically uses the same public student resources. We are insulated from our jealousy, and never have to confront it.

We know such a lifestyle is unsustainable, but we are all naively confident about what the real world has in store for us.

So when we get out in the real world, find it to be much harder, and find that the jobs, home types and lifestyles vary wildly, and see some of our old friends doing much better than us...well...we don't know how to handle it.

But that still doesn't change the basic laws of human connection. We believe that people won't accept us unless we are successful. And in certain cultures, that is true. But for the most part, adults are just big children, looking for connection, emotional freedom, and fun. We don't care about how successful anyone else is. All you have to do is admit to yourself that no one cares about your success, put aside your ego, open up, and you find it's just as easy as it ever was.

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Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
3:10 am
So recently domspe (who, it should be mentioned, is a goddess), helped set me up with a writing job. I will be writing some simple content for websites about a bunch of different subjects. The articles will be short, the workload will be small, and the pay will not be that much, but I will be able to intellectually masturbate and work from home, so these happen to be factors that work brilliantly with my situation and choice of lifestyle. I am incredibly happy about this!

If this pans out, I will finally be able to pay all of my bills doing next to nothing, with no job interfering with my desire for self-expression, with a complete lack of soul-crushing idiocy, and with the fascism of the alarm clock finally removed from my life, perhaps forever. If I build upon it and organize my tenant situations correctly, I'll be able to take off on road trips fueled by laptop writings and fire performances for extended periods of time, whenever I want. I'll finally be able to give a proper "fuck you" to the real world with a melange of hair dye, tattoos and piercings that are sustainable with a mature, responsible, sustainable lifestyle.

I've never been so excited about the future in all my life. It is surreal to think that the distant dreams I've had for so long are soon, very very soon, going to become today. :)

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Sunday, September 27th, 2009
10:55 pm - On Death Panels
A few years ago, my grandfather on my mother's side was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He was 78, well retired, a devout Catholic, and a bit overweight. The cancer treatment was very harsh; for four months, my grandfather endured an ugly series of chemotherapy, drugs, illness and pain. The cancer was eventually removed, and after a few more months of rehabilitation, he was finally able to come home in a wheelchair.

There was a family gathering that Saturday afternoon. His wife, his brother, his four grown children and their families got together on the outside patio to to see him back at home. It was an unpleasant sight. His formerly handsome head of silver hair was now completely bald. He breathed through a tube connected to a machine. He had lost an awful lot of weight, which made his formerly plump skin seem baggy and old. He had especially lost weight in his legs, which now looked like tiny spindles. He could not walk, he had to be moved about in the wheelchair by family members. He did not have a happy look on his face. He looked exhausted and seemingly pessimistic. To any objective observer, and to myself, it was obvious: this man had months, not years, to live. At best.

However, the reaction from us suggested the contrary. We spoke optimistically of how he was going to get better, how he would walk on his own again, how he would not need the respirator, and how everything was going to be fine.

Bullshit. He's going to fucking die.

It never bothered me at the time because surrounding the ill with hope, comfort and reassurance is typically how we react to sickness. And for the most part, that is a very appropriate reaction; in many circumstances it helps ensure the best possible quality of life for the sick. But we have no idea how to deal with death, even when it is inevitably in front of us. Surely a more appropriate way to approach the situation would have been to spend the time helping my grandfather reflect on his life and look back fondly rather than bullshit ourselves about what meager mortal existence he has ahead of him. (And considering that my every member of my family is Christian and believes, at least in theory, that eternal salvation awaits him upon his demise, this is doubly confusing to me) Death is inevitable, we should have in our culture an appropriate way to deal with it.

This raises a more difficult question: do we provide seniors in our society with an excessive degree of medical care? What is the point of dragging an elderly person through weeks or months of physical agony, at great monetary expense to society, only to prolong his death with a few more months of miserable torment? Surely the situation would be better handled with a responsible acknowledgment of the incredibly high likelihood of death and a healthily reflective cultural response, and allowing the resources to go to people who still have a real life ahead of them.

From an economic standpoint, the logic seems very sound. If the marginal utility per dollar spent on life-sustaining treatment decreases exponentially with age after a certain point, and if the trend in life-supporting technology is to continue finding new ways to employ these costly measures in more critical circumstances, then it stands to reason that a large elderly population, a system that enables health care to be spent without regard for cost, and a fragile economy could be ingredients for an economic disaster where young workers are taxed into insanity so that the old people they don't have time to visit remain zombified in a home somewhere.

There HAS to be a check against this situation. If our health care model is a fully privatized one, this is straightforward: the elderly continue to live as long as either they, their family, or their insurance company are willing and able to pay for treatment, but if the model is social it becomes more challenging. In the event of resource scarcity, how are medical services distributed? First come first serve? Do certain people get priority over others? How do we decide who?

This is why I think that, under dire circumstances, death panels could actually be necessary to a social health model. Surely no one would agree that it should be left to chance that a certain person be allowed to live or die in tight economic situations, and I think the easiest way to do this is come up with a reasonable paradigm of priority. I feel it is inarguable from a social standpoint that the young be given priority over the old (all other variables being equal) and that the very old be denied costly treatments in these circumstances so that more valuable members of society be allowed to receive them.

So bring on the death panels. Our pussified society is so scared of death that we can't even look it in the face. It's time to be reminded of our mortality and learn how to deal with it. If we can't do that, how can we expect to actually live?

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Monday, September 21st, 2009
12:12 am
I haven't written anything satirical in a while, and I thought this was clever :)

If Car Insurance Worked Like Health InsuranceCollapse )

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Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
11:56 pm

The trip home (this is my favorite)Collapse )</div></div>

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9:34 pm

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